Confidence

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (author, psychiatrist)

Although there are people in this world who have a much stronger relationship to suffering than I have I like to believe that I am the better for having almost died in high school. I know who I am and I know what I have to do. I know I am a person with unique luck and opportunities. I know I am a person who simply has to do good things in the world. I have to do decent things because the best things have done for me. Someone gave me their child's heart. A few hands folded me a thousand cranes. A company made me a world and showed me a dream. I am confident of this. I am confident that the acts of individuals can change lives.

I struggle with confidence in myself and my own beauty as much as anyone else, but at least I can always come back to the fact that I do good things. I text my most stressed-out friends happy quotes every day to cheer them up. I write poems for people when they are sad. I tell people they can change the world. I try. 

My friend Ally once looked at me and said, "Emily, some days, like every day I wonder why you aren't a model," because I have a reputation for not being afraid of photographs and not being slow to smile. I like to be happy because it could always be worse. I could have been brain damaged. That would be worse. I could have not gotten a heart. That would make me pretty dead. I could have needed a double lung transplant. That would be immeasurably more bad. It seems to me being confident and beautiful has a lot less to do with makeup and high heels and a lot more to do with acknowledgement of pain and a decent attitude. I think having a reasonably sized body helps, but I know plenty of beautiful people who aren't a size 2. That's why I will never be a model even if I will stop and take model shots. The way fashion decides beauty is just messed up.